Today is my birthday.  I am 36 years old.  My God, I am 36 years old.  Is this mid-life for me?  Have I lived half of my life already?  Or have I lived a half-life?

"Half-Life" is a scientific mathematical term used to describe the probability of and measurement of decay (radioactive decay, other forms of exponential decay).  I see decay every day in the mirror, and so do you.  I used to be invincible.  Perhaps now, I just have more wisdom and humility when it comes to knowing my limits.  The hair is graying, the joints are aching, the teeth need work, the muscles are softening--decay.

More than the physical (or radioactive), I wonder about the half-life I feel I am living in comparison to something more complete, something better, something more. 

There once was an old man.  He was an avid reader, he lived by the rules, he was respected as a wise leader in the community.  But I think he felt he had been living a half-life.  So one night, in the dark while the world was sleeping, he snuck over to Jesus and asked him a question: "Teacher, how is it possible that I could be born again?  What are you trying to tell us with all your talk about being 'born from above'?" (read the story for yourself in the book of John, chapter 3).  This conversation leads to Jesus' saying: "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son.  And this is why: so that no one need be destoryed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life." (John 3:16, from The Message). 

I want that "whole" life.  An abundant life.  To be born anew, in the Spirit of God's love at work in the world.  I want to remember again what the love of God feels like from the purest source.  I want to see the world again with new eyes.  Eyes wide open to the beauty of life, to the wonder of my children as they learn and grow, to the love of Christy--together we made a covenant to be life-companions almost 10 years ago. 

I want to open my life to the community and people around me.  Some days, this is the hardest work I have ever known... We are trying so hard just to start new relationships, to build a community of faith and share a more abundant life with one another, rather than these isolated half-lives that are cut off from each other (And who is my neighbor?).  I want to turn off the TV and savor each waking moment with my kids.  I want to take better care of myself and slow the decay of body, mind, and spirit.  I want to open the door of our home to strangers and friends and encounter the wider world through relationships and go out into the world around me to explore the richness of God's grace in the lives of other people.  Because on my own, I can only see a small, dim part of the wider tapestry of God's grace and light born into the world.

Jesus offers an abundant life; here, now.  Maybe that is still a new and mysterious concept for you.  Maybe you have been a follower of Jesus for a long time, but need to wake up again like me from a half-life to a fully awake awareness of the love of God and the Light of the World.  We are all called to something more.  Something beautiful.  Something made alive in common-union with one another--the richness and beauty and grace and glory of abundant life.  Your life is now!  Our life, together! 

So I woke up to the sound of a voice singing in Swahili.... 

"Listen!  What do you make of this?  A farmer planted seed.  As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and the birds ate it.  Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly.  Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it.  Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams.  Are you listening to this?  Really listening?" (Mark 4, The Message)

As one who is attempting to plant a new faith community, I have really felt connected to this parable of Jesus'.  Conversations with strangers and friends along the path of life, seeds of grace scattered in our daily living... our bodies, minds and spirits the soil that God is at work in, some of it rocky, some full of weeds, some ready and "good earth"...

So these past few weeks have been pretty frustrating.  Not alot of growth or "fruit" to be seen of any of the "planting" that we are doing.  No sign of green even budding.  (Patience, Grasshopper.  ....stay awake.  Watch and pray).  We are into the third full month of our first "Living Room" group that meets in our house on Tuesday nights for conversation, scripture, songs, and prayer.  Its been hard to grow the group, let alone plant a second, third, or fourth group (a part of our "strategic plan".... hmmmmm....)

I was not expecting anything "new" this past Tuesday night.  But a new person came.  He was not "invited" by me and I had never met him before.  He was not even invited or expected by the person who drove him to our house.  A person in our group, Bob, had stopped by Central Seminary to pick up a student from India, Mary, who has been coming to the group.  But she could not come this week.  However, Mary had told Wilson about our group and so Wilson was waiting at the front door of the seminary for Bob, a person whe had never met, in order to come to a house of strangers.... our house.

It gets better.  Wilson is from Kenya, and came to Central Seminary in Kansas City because long ago missionaries from the States went to Kenya, and generations of faith had taken root there from seeds that were planted long ago.  Wilson gave his life to Christ as a teenager, and as he accepted a call to ministry, he learned of Central because other people from his home had recieved training there.  So he and his wife and thier child have moved from Kenya to Olathe, Kansas, so that he can go to a seminary that will equip him with training to plant a new church for African immigrants who have come to America.  And Wilson was curious about our fragile little church "plant", a fragile seed taking root on the western edge of the city.

On Tuesday night, I was weary.  I did not expect anyone new to come to our Living Room... but Wilson came.  And we were amazed at God's presence in a seed that was blooming that we did not plant, but might have an opportunity to water and help grow.  As we were closing in prayer, my new friend felt led to offer the group a blessing.   He sang a song called "Working in the Fields of the Lord" in English and in Swahili.  And a seed of grace took root in my heart.  And I could see and feel the green again...

"one day when Jesus comes again he'll find me working in the fields of the Lord"