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What is Love? Is it a thing? Can you hold it in your hands? No, it’s something spiritual; you feel it deep within you, and it takes shape in your thoughts, motivations, words, and actions. When you are consciously aware of and dependent upon God’s unconditional Love and acceptance of yourself, it is much easier to extend this Love and acceptance to others. You can’t give Love if you are not abiding in Love.

Love isn’t something you create. In nature we observe that like produces like. Orange trees produce oranges, fish produce fish, humans produce humans. The creation is always the manifestation of the creator. Through this principle of nature, God is continuously encouraging us to see that our essential identity is likewise the manifestation, image, and likeness of our Creator.

Who is our Creator? God. Who is God? God is spirit. Therefore, I am more than just my physical biology; I am also a spiritual being. God is Love. Therefore, I am Love. Sure I might not Love at times, but my behavior and attitudes don’t create my identity; rather, my identity creates my behavior and attitudes. Whoever a man thinks he is, determines what he says and does. If God is Love and I am his creation, then I am Love. If I am Love, then I must only do what Love would do. Be Love.

Perhaps you don’t feel Love within and for yourself, or doubt God’s Love for you, or see very little Love in the world. Perhaps you are surrounded by people who do not offer you Love. The truth that God is Love means far more than God simply choosing at times to offer Love or act in Loving ways. God’s Love is not a spigot that he turns off and on depending upon conditions, circumstances, or how good you are. God IS Love, which means that at every moment God’s Love flows and is available to all people, all the time, everywhere, without condition. All that’s left is to remove the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance.

the complete TLIO interview 

(photo by the one and only zoo gal)

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“I’m not a writer and I don’t have anything new to say, so I don’t imagine that I can be of any help to anyone. I do this to influence my own mind. Doing this, I’m motivated and inspired to ‘cultivate what is skillful’ and if someone of similar circumstance or temperament should happen across this, then maybe they’ll be inspired as well. Such a moment is very rare and of incalculable benefit to all beings so I’d better take advantage of it now - because if I don’t there may not be another.”

- Santideva

it’s true, “i don’t have anything new to say.” there is no originality to what i share. Truth is timeless and eternal, all that happens is that I (and you) stumble across or into it. maybe the way i communicate it makes sense for someone who is of “similar circumstance or temperament.” if you are a human, you are imaged in God, which means the voice of truth is within you, perhaps buried or on “mute” but there nonetheless. if you read something i wrote and feel this “Yes!!” rising up within you, it’s because that voice inside you is bearing witness to truth and you are listening. what you should learn from that is NOT “wow, that Palmer dude is one enlightened guy.” no, instead you say, “hey, the voice of truth has been awakened within me and now i’m listening; who needs this Palmer dude anymore.” or, you simply recognize we share a similar journey or seem to track on a similar wavelength and we learn from each other.

i received an email from someone who asked if perhaps in the next book (which i’m currently writing; yikes!) i would focus more on “how” i shed religion and began living in the “wide open spaces.” i rolled it around a bit and was harrd pressed to identify anything of my doing that could account for how my journey with God has been evolving these past few years. i don’t think i could write a book like “Seven Steps To Shed Religion and Be Free” because it hasn’t been that way for me. well, unless the steps went something like: Step One: Wake up, get out of bed, breathe, do whatever comes next; Step Two: Um…let’s see ahhh…see what happens next; Step Three: oh yeah, try to pay attention to what’s going on inside you; Step Four: and also, pay attention to what and who is happening around you…

honestly, it’s hard for me to identify a list of things i did that would make sense for someone to do. seems like when it all comes down to it, what happened to me and continues happening is a change of mind. i don’t mean like better information about God in my head, but a new mind, which has stretched and pushed me beyond the boundaries of how i was previously programmed to think and feel…about myself, God, people, life, wellbeing…everything! it’s like the entire way i process and engage life is different. what i’m most aware of or conscious of along the everyday paths of life is different. it seems like i’m no longer the initiator of my spiritual growth with a set of things to do, as much as it seems like the raw materials for spiritual living are within me and all around me, and my part is to be open.

i once invested a huge amount of energy judging everything in life - bad, good, better, best. now i tend to think along the lines of “it is what it is,” and desire to meet each moment, experience, person, encounter, opportunity and adversity with humility and compassion, knowing it all means something for me. even missing or forfeiting opportunities, and bouts of being judgmental and close-minded, and just overall stupidity are helpful because they all lead to suffering, and then suffering becomes my teacher. what it sometimes feels like is that there is this guiding flow of Love that is gently transforming me and seems to have adequately taken into account or factored in my present level of human stupidity and actually uses it!

(photo by Lanni)

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From Mad TV. This is not meant to be any kind of a commentary but it is just funny! Lighten up and laugh~

http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/?p=338

last night my daughter jessica was in a drama play entitled, “Folk Tales For Fun.” judie (from Wide Open Spaces), who my daughter idolizes, came with us to watch jessica, who played the role of Mother Hare. step aside Kate Winslet, there’s a new kid in town (literally)! okay and also, i painted the bed sheet that was one of the backdrops. i feel like my artistic rendering of a tree, grass, and clouds was pretty monet-ish. here’s what i’m imaging…the Wachowski Brothers are at the podium with an envelope…, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this year’s Oscar for best bed-sheet prop goes to………Jim Palmer!!” Then a voice will say, “Accepting tonight’s Oscar on behalf of Jim Palmer is his dog Jack.”

it was a great night. pam cried. on the inside i was crying for some of the kids who i imagined to be the kind that don’t really fit in, or seem to be working so hard to be special and recognized. there was one ultra-thin, kind of stringy and pale girl who had fairly severe crooked teeth, which you couldn’t miss when she spoke. a couple times she stumbled through her lines a bit. i felt such love for her. i had to fight back the emotion as i sat there hoping with all my heart that see knew how precious she was.

so, thursday i’m beginning the nobody book tour. i call it a “nobody” tour because i plan to take advantage of every opportunity to remind everyone that i am the chief of all nobodies, that i have no special or guru-like advantage in spiritual things, and that anyone can experience the wide open spaces of knowing God if they want to. i’m visiting 11 bookstores in the nashville area thursday.

after the play i went up to the girl, and told her a few specific ways i thought she was the perfect rooster in the play. she smiled with her crooked teeth. i will carry that memory in my heart for a long time.

(photo by zoo gal)

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okay, so the first leg (southeast) of the “nobody tour” starts today - 11 stores in nashville. i had wonderful intentions of capturing it all on my webcam, but it may be a little too involved trying to pull it off on my own. so, i may give it a shot in some other cities but probably not today. i’m going to do my best to blog about it. what complicates things slightly more is that i’m doing quite a few radio interviews about the new book, and many of these i’m going to have to do from my cell on the road. keeping it all straight sometimes gets a little hairy. earlier this week, i was on my way out the door for a bike ride when the phone ringed: “Hello, is this Jim Palmer?” “Yes.” “Great, standby, and we will be live in 40 seconds.” oops, i must have forgotten to put that one on the calendar. oh well. in any event, this “nobody” thing is kinda throwing people off. as it turns out, the world is filled with people who desire to be known as a spiritual guru in one form or another, and it only follows that gurus generally act in a certain way, and try not to give away their big secret, which is there’s no big secret. there is only the plain and simple truth, which is quite capable all it’s own to get any person’s attention if they are truly interested.

so, a bunch of us nobodies were hanging out last night. somehow the age old question arose, “How can a good God allow human suffering?” here’s what we pondered…

Jesus said, “the kingdom of God is within you,” meaning, those spiritual longings and desires we have such as love, peace, contentment, and freedom are abundantly supplied through one Source (God). sure, they may be expressed through an infinite number of ways (i.e. the love of a friend, the peace of the ocean, etc…) but they are all coming and going and experienced through one Source, and that Source is within us. if my friend leaves, and the ocean dries up, i still can have love and peace because these kingdom realities are present within me.

okay, so God did something that blessed all humankind. he gave us a free will, which means much more than being able to choose between a chocolate or plain Krispy Kreme donut. seems like God’s gift of “free will” means we are capable of choosing that kingdom within us. since that kingdom is not dependent on life situations and circumstances, i can always chose love, peace, freedom, and contentment.

Jesus also said, “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.” the word “repent” there does not mean being remorseful for past wrongs. the word (metanoia) actually means a “radical or total change of mind.” in other words Jesus was saying, “God’s spiritual kingdom is available to you in every moment. To access it, you’re going to have to change your mind about the nature of this kingdom, it’s permanence regardless of human conditions and circumstances, and your choice to live in it.”

okay, sorry for the big freaking sermon. just something i’m working through and testing in the everyday realities of my life.

that’s all for now; i’ll just shut up.

oh, one last thing. Jesus often said that in order to get into the kingdom you had to think like a child. hmm…wonder what that girl in the pic is thinking?

(photo by zoo gal)

p.s. a couple people have asked about sending an email out about Wide Open Spaces. this link tells about the book if it’s helpful. however, it may be more than people want to know so cut and paste whatever you want from it.

Ok, we had a great night last night. We went to a book signing at a bookstore in Denver. We live in Lochbuie which is 25 miles North and East. The author is Caryolyn Jessop who wrote "Escape." She was one of about 12 wives from the Colorado City, Az. Fundalmentalist Later Day Saints (FLDS). Her book is amazing and tells how she escaped to a world unknown to her. That is our world. I got to talk to her and I may be in the running for building her a web site

Then we met this young woman, Amy, who hitch-hiked from Boulder to attend this event. We were going to take her back to Boulder after the event because we did not want to see her hitch-hiking back at 9 pm. As it turned out, we put her up in a hotel for the night since she had an interview in downtown Denver the next morning. It was just the right thing to do. Here is her site. She is a very interest lady to say the least.

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so, the world of religion rages on, “I’m right;you’re wrong?” “My information about God is better than your information.” “Your understanding is off; mine is correct.” “Could God create a rock too heavy from him to pick up?” “Is God good?”, well it depends on what your interpretation of ‘is’ is?” meanwhile a little girl with Cancer and weeks to live pens this poem…

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?

When you ask, ‘How are you?’ Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done do you lie in your bed while the next hundred chores run through your head?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

Ever told your child, ‘We’ll do it tomorrow?’

And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die, cause you never had time to call and say, ‘Hi.’

You’d better slow down.

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened

gift….thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music before the song is over.

i don’t know; maybe i should have just passed it off as one of those millions of things people pass around through email on the Internet. at first, i was somewhat indifferent to it. seemed like it was perhaps too focused on this present life, and leveraging the fear of death or regret and guilt as a motivation to live a better life. but i re-read it, and the second time around i saw something else.

knowing God is largely a life of simply doing the next thing. in that next thing - the next person, the next experience, the next encounter, the next bike ride, the next conversation, the next meal, the next tear, the next challenge, the next hurt, the next sunrise or sunset, the next deep feeling, the next song, the next breeze, the next photograph…the next moment…God will be there, and the presence of Love will be there, the opportunity to be love, give love, or receive love will be there, the invitation to be peace and be free will be there, the spiritual kingdom of God coming and going will be there and waiting to take expression in your thoughts, or words, or attitude, or way of relating to others, or deep feelings of love and peace, or through your awareness and enjoyment of beauty, or….

if you are not all caught up in the past or the future, perhaps you will be fully open to the next moment where God and his kingdom will be waiting. that’s “the music,” and it is present in each and every moment. this day is a string of such moments. the human journey as we are now experiencing it indeed will not last, but the “music” will still be playing and who knows how we will dance with the music beyond our present human journey. but then that’s the future, isn’t it? instead, let’s dance with this music now.

(photo from zoo gal)

,

Ok, Ok, I did play Santa and was not looking forward to the experience,  stage fright I guess. My local Starbucks, which is my office and hang out spot, asked me play the part. I did get 6ea $5 gift cards as my reward! But, I hate to admit it, it was fun! Santa can get away with just about anything! Two cops came in whom I know them by name only; I played with them and said, "Occcifeeer I have not had a drink since dis mornin!" They never did recognize me. I had small children sit on my lap and ask for a real barbie doll and PS2 rock star game. And another 2yr old cried and ran away!

I am an emergent kind of guy! I'm not supposed to beleive in this  secular crap! But what the hell; it was fun.
 

 http://www.shapevine.com/keithblog/files/-1/55/DSCN0145.JPG

Hey, the spell checker works! 

http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/?p=341

it seems like our basic sense of life operates on the premise of lack. we lack what we feel we need and desire. we feel a lack of contentment, peace, love, purpose, worth, wisdom, direction, freedom, wholeness, understanding, happiness, and on it goes. then, we carry this sense of lack over to God, wanting God to change it. we pray for God’s intervention to change or fix our circumstances, which we perceive are to blame for our lack. or we pray for God’s divine help in orchestrating a certain desirable future in which we imagine life would be better and finally deliver those realities we feel we now lack. perhaps we hope our disciplined and godly lives or our faithful church involvement or dutifully keeping our checklist of do’s and dont’s are a bargaining chip to motivate God to action on our behalf.

as mentioned in a previous post, Jesus said, “Repent for the kingdom of God has come.” contrary to popular belief, the word “repent” does not mean regret or sorrow for past wrongs. the word ‘regret’ (metanoia) means a totally new state of mind or a radically changed mind. i’m finding for myself that this path of “metanoia” is enabling me to make Christ my life, and yet i have also found this path of “metanoia” to run contrary to virtually every ounce of logic the religious mind comes up with about God and knowing God.

so, what if we changed our mind about this matter of lack? what if we changed our mind to the basic sense that in every moment we am filled with God’s abundance. for example, a few Bible references come to mind: “i lack no good thing,” “i can do all things through Christ,” “we have everything we need for life and godliness,” “we have the mind of Christ,” “Christ is my life,” “the kingdom of God is within you,” etc…even when Jesus was asked about having eaten no food for a duration of time he stated, “i have a food you know nothing about.”

i’m not talking about “positive thinking” or living in denial about human hardships or difficult life circumstances. Jesus said, “i came to give abundant life.” so why not say, “the abundant life, which satisfies my true needs and desires, is available in every moment. when i desire love and contentment; when i need wisdom and understanding; when i need to know my worth and value; when i desire peace that passes all human understanding; when i need compassion; when i need the life energy to simply put one foot in front of another; when i need courage to face something i am fearful of…then i will realize in that moment that all of these are abundantly present within me where i am one with Christ.”

so perhaps prayer becomes different. maybe it’s not so much coming from a place of lack or petitioning God or some outside source to give what you don’t have, or focusing on a better set of circumstances for abundant life. maybe prayer is expressing a desire to let go of all that blocks or hinders our conscious awareness of God’s abundance, and trust and dependence upon God’s abundance within us in every moment.

seems like as we experience the abundance of God, our lives and this world radically changes. after all, isn’t so much of the suffering of this world linked to this sense of lack and our desperate attempt to get it, or the insanity of living lives in which we deprive ourselves of these basic spiritual needs such as love.

just something i’ve been exploring in my own journey with God.

so, the 12-bookstore day in nashville (day one of the “nobody tour”) went great. i met my publicist from Thomas Nelson Publishers and off we went. i squeezed in a radio interview along the way. i signed a lot of books and made some wonderful new friends. starting tomorrow, i’m off for a week-long adventure visiting seven other cities on the nobody tour.

(photo by elaine faith)

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I received an email this past week, a portion of I have below…

“…I would love to sit in a waffle house and have a cup of coffee with you.  Thanks to you, Wayne Jacobsen, and others… I am finally making sense of this Christian life I became a part of 12 years ago and I am currently repulsed by.  I even considered myself an atheist for a couple months this summer (but of course didn’t let anyone know about that…), but God is becoming real again and I just want to have a real life conversation with someone who can relate to me.  The people in my world either aren’t spiritually inclined or they are committed to church life and aren’t quite ready to travel down the “relational” road with me.  I just want to sit down and have an honest conversation.  My husband is great about exploring these things with me, but in some ways we are so “one” in how we perceive things, that we need an outside voice to have dialogue with. Anyway, I could go on forever, but I’ll save that for our cup of coffee together!!… Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts - they have helped this nobody believe she is sane once again!”

Here are a few things this email brought to mind…

First, here’s a link to Wayne Jacobsen, who I feel is extremely helpful in encouraging others along in spiritual freedom. Second, I can identify with her “atheist” comment. In some ways I am still an “atheist” when it comes to no longer believing in the “God” my religious mind previously constructed. I can also identify with her desire to have open, honest, and real life conversation with people who can relate to where I’ve been and the path I’m now on. Also, I celebrate the freedom she is experiencing, and the journey of God becoming real to her again.

Just a quick observation from the many radio interviews I’ve done and meeting a lot of bookstore managers over the last couple weeks. I am finding it much more productive to converse with people who are presently critical of or disillusioned with what I call “God Inc.”

In summary, “God Inc.” is mostly comprised of:

The theologicalization of God: boxing God in propositions and creeds.

The institutionalization of God: managing God through organizational systems, programs, and checklists.

The commercialization of God: packaging and selling God in every form imaginable.

The fundamentalism of God: rationalizing God for all kinds of hypocrisy, hate and overall insanity.

The specialization of God: filtering God through spiritual hierarchies of paid professionals or gurus on top, and the rest of us below them.

(Forgive me for so quickly laying out this “God Inc.” idea. Obviously there are many organized churches, pastors and ministers, and people who rightfully put a financial cost to things they produce, offer, or create related to spiritual growth and development, who are not doing any of these out of ego, self-serving, or get-rich motives, and have no desire to box, manage, sell, rationalize, or filter God.)

Nonetheless, when I do interviews with or meet with bookstore managers who are non-religious people critical of or disillusioned with “God Inc.” I find (if I am loving, accepting, humble, and patient) that many of these people are open to the possibility that there is God or Ultimate Reality or something spiritually real and solid independent of “God Inc.” However, to be honest, I sometimes find that people stuck in “God Inc.” to not be very open to the idea of a God beyond it. In other words, for some of them: God IS the equivalent of their current theological information; the Christian life IS the equivalent of participating within the systems, programs, and check-lists of their church; spiritual growth IS mediated through the professionals and gurus; and they seem to find plenty of room for quickly judging and condemning others, which doesn’t seem to be very consistent with the mentality of Jesus himself. When I have done interviews with show hosts or met with bookstore managers who are not Christian or religious in nature, they pretty much expect me to be that person I just described, and are pretty shocked when they find different.

(photo by zoo gal)

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okay, i’ll be leaving super early in the morning to begin my week-long southeast nobody tour for the recent release of Wide Open Spaces. in each of the cities i’m visiting, i am stopping in at several bookstores, and hanging out with a group of nobodies in various places, which i’m really looking forward to. i’ll do my best to post some blogs as i go. hopefully i wont get lost. thank goodness for GPS. generally, i’m not too good with directions.

(photo by Tomasz Nowak)

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okay, so i’ve been rolling through the southeast: nashville, lexington, louisville, birmingham…now atlanta. it’s been a little crazy at times. like yesterday when i set the record for the length of time a person can hold it beginning at the point when you tell yourself you need to pull off at an exit soon to visit a restroom. i was in the car trying to figure out how to get to this one store in birmingham, meanwhile i was doing a radio interview that was supposed to be only 20 minutes but had been expanded to an hour. got the picture? guy in baseball hat, lost in birmingham, doing interview in anguish because he’s GOT TO GO! the woman behind the counter at the Shell station was slightly concerned as i was running through the store while asking where the bathrooms were.

early this morning i hung out and made new friends at the infamous Octane Coffee Bar and Lounge in downtown hotlanta. from that, i went to speak at a spiritual gathering of pro athletes and entertainers, which Paul Byrd arranged. i spoke for about 30 minutes and then we had a full hour of Q&A and conversation. i almost mentioned in this post some names of folks in attendance, who i got to know a bit. these are well-known people you would certainly know about. but why mention only their names? should they be mentioned more than the nobodies i met at Octane Coffee Bar and Lounge? funny thing, even the pro-athletes and celebs i met know that true freedom is not needing the “somebody” status for worth and identity.

per usual, i have learned and grown so much from my interactions and conversations with people i’m meeting. i’ll just mention one name, because it illustrates a point i often try to make. remember, i’m the guy with the M.Div, and yet Jeff Foxworthy said something about how he understands God’s holiness, which i have never considered before. it has always been a bit troubling to me that God’s “holiness” and God’s “love” sometimes don’t line up together too well in my mind. but Jeff Foxworthy said that he understood God’s “holiness” to be his pure, perfect, and untainted love. in other words, to Jeff, God is “holy” because his love is so utterly pure, perfect, unyielding, unconditional, continuous, and unbroken. wow, that really helped me! thank you Jeff; something to ponder on my way to chattanooga.

anyway, that’s all for now. oh yeah, and i’ve visited a zillion bookstores, and i may not go into one for a while after i return home.

(photo by American Barista and Coffee School and T-Rif)

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I got back last night into Nashville. Phase one of the week-long “nobody tour” is complete! I wouldn’t mind having the GPS deal in my car; let’s just say I’m “directionally challenged.” I’m pretty sick of driving, probably won’t go into a bookstore for a while, and I feel like Joel Osteen and I are personal friends. I’ve been in a zillion bookstores this past week, and I found a quick and easy way to locate my books. Here’s how it works: I enter the bookstore, go to the “Religion” or “Christian Inspiration/Living” section, and began scanning the shelves until I see Joel Osteen’s books, which isn’t difficult since there almost always at least one full shelf packed with them. Since “Osteen” starts with ‘O’, and “Palmer” starts with ‘P,’ it’s just a matter of finding Osteen and then my books come shortly after that. Honestly, it makes it so easy to find them Thank you Joel!

In summary, I went to several cities, visited a list of stores each day, signed a lot of books, met a lot of people, and eat a lot of trail mix. Probably the coolest part of the deal were the people I hooked up with along the way – divinenobodies.com and MySpace friends, and other friends I had not previously met face-to-face. Let’s see; there was Will Samson and James in Lexington, Troy and Bill in Atlanta, Jim and Oteil in Birmingham, Julie and Steve in Lousiville to mention a few. It’s sort of a blur right now; I hope I placed these people in the right city.

Atlanta was a lot of fun because I was able to hook up with Paul Byrd and Ernie Johnson. I had hooked up with “Byrdie” when he was rolling through Nashville over Thanksgiving, but I had never met Ernie face-to-face. As you know his endorsement is on the back of Wide Open Spaces. All I can say is that I love Paul and Kim Byrd, and Ernie Johnson. Some of the most humblest, caring, and spiritually authentic people you will ever meet. The greatest thing about being an author is the people you meet.

The pro-athlete and celeb breakfast I spoke at also significantly impacted me. You could have cut with a knife the spiritual desire that was present in the room among all of these people. In many cases, their spiritual journey has involved breaking free from the legalisms and formulas of pop-Christianity in search of something more solid and authentic with God. The best part for me was when I finally shut up and listened as they shared about their journey with God, and what they are learning. Per usual, I showed up thinking I was the teacher, and instead was the student. I was asked about the challenge of now being a “somebody” as an author, and the added issue of people becoming too attached to me and my writings as the latest and greatest guru. It was a great discussion, and so let me finish this first post about my trip with a few thoughts on this.

There is NO NEW TRUTH. Therefore, there is no original truth that I share. Every word I write or speak is basically plagiarism because I’m simply borrowing from God. Consider this: Truth is universal and eternal…it has always been and always will be…the Source of all Truth is God. Second, I am only capable of knowing Truth because I was created in the image of God (which gives me the capacity), and the Spirit or voice of God within me (which is the means of identifying Truth) dings my internal God-server to teach and confirm Truth. So, can you see how it has nothing to do with me uniquely? Sure, I had to be open to Truth for all of this to happen, but you can do this just like me. When I communicate the Truth within the context of my own personal journey, it will naturally connect with some people who identify with my experiences. That’s great; it always helps to journey alongside others we can relate to, and I hope what I say is helpful. However, you have total and complete access to the same Source of Truth with or without me, and the same capacity to discover it if that’s your desire.

It’s an interesting tension. It is self-evident that authors of spiritual books would greatly benefit by encouraging people to become dependent upon their writings. I’m not trying to say that spiritual authors do this; I’m merely pointing out the obvious that if an author can convince you they are a guru and you need to base your life on everything they say, then they stand to sell a lot of books. That’s one reason why I enjoy writing more about the process of how I got there, rather than all the conclusions I arrived at, which have a way of changing or expanding over time. People have to come to their own conclusions by listening to that voice of Truth for themselves, and I’d rather share more of the process and journey that have been part of my own awakenings.

Okay, speaking of being an author. I was asked by my publisher to ask my blogosphere friends who enjoyed Wide Open Spaces to leave a review on Amazon. Okay, time to go for a run. It’s going to be ugly when I get back on the bike because it’s been a while. Love you all!! The pics are from Octane Atlanta. Why do I always look like a dork in pictures?

Today I was looking for a different place to have a late breakfast or lunch. I had just left my wife, Kay, set at her craft show at the local elementary school here in Lochbuie. So I went to our brand new medical center and ate at their diner/cafeteria. It was good enough and fresh and the place is beautiful. I was walking around looking at the stone everywhere and I peeked into the chapel , most  hospitals have them. In a brand new hospital, they have not removed all religious inferences. People do pray there. That seems to be the last place left where we pray openly and earnestly. I walked in the door and found a low lit comfortable room with a floor to ceiling backlit waterfall scene.

Sitting down in the middle chair amongst twelve others I sat for over an hour contemplating and praying about the stuff I think about like, "why are Christians always trying to control things?" and, "why can't we take a little more time to understand each other?'

I actually dozed off a bit, but I came out of there intrigued with the possibilities.  If we serve a creative God and He  communicates with us, then, we should expect  answers. Right? I get ideas, like a web network of home crafters that each have a web page and an email address. Maybe ColoradoCrafters.com and each user has a link to a page. I could build these as I sit at these shows!

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a new week begins! it was a great weekend finally being back home in nashville. on saturday morning we had a awesome Christmas breakfast with a group of neighbor friends. pam and i recently spent the night at a nearby Bed and Breakfast for our anniversary, and we decided to surprise our friends by arranging a breakfast get-together at the same place. it was so much fun! i love these people. Sally, who owns the Valley View Bed and Breakfast, has become a new friend. when pam and i left, she googled my name, purchased Divine Nobodies, and had most of it read before we came back a couple weeks later for the breakfast. i gave her a big hug, brought her a copy of Wide Open Spaces, and she asked that i sign both books, which i normally begin by writing, “From one nobody to another…” on myspace i have a friends list that is a small sub-set of the growing friend list i have in all of life, which now includes Sally. it also includes people like Judie and Nanci who had their picture taken in Books-A-Million next to a Wide Open Spaces display. it also includes all the many nobodies who are still fresh in my memory from the book tour last week.

speaking of books, this week i’m beginning to shift back into write mode for the next one, which has a february deadline. if you are noticing that it’s nearing the end of december, and february is looming closer…well…i know!! so, we are going to be back to you suffering along my wrestling through the writing of the next book. sorry! for now, if you’re so inclined as it relates to Wide Open Spaces, leave me a review on amazon, recommend the book in your sphere of influence or your corner of the blogosphere, and get a bunch of copies to give as Christmas gifts to distant relatives or pass them out randomly in your local mall

seriously, my desire is to get the message out that there is a real, authentic, and transformational reality with God beyond the pat answers, simplistic formulas, and endless list of do’s and don’ts, which is too often passed off as “Christianity.” contrary to the too-often spoken or implied message of pop-Christianity, there is more to the gospel of Jesus than being good, doing church, and waiting for heaven when you die. so, if you genuinely want to get the message of Divine Nobodies and Wide Open Spaces out there, but can’t afford the cost of buying copies of the books, let me know and we will figure something out. also, if you have a easy access camera and you’re in a bookstore, snap a pic of you and friends standing next to or holding Wide Open Spaces and I’ll throw it up on the blog. if you want me to identify the group or cause or something related to your picture i will.

lately i’ve been discovering how words can be obstacles, and the need to focus on the meaning or reality behind the words. for example, i’m discovering that when i use the word “God” that most people have a well-developed concept of “God” based on all sorts of influences, which there mind automatically plugs into the word when they hear it. it’s interesting because i have come across a lot of people who are disinterested in “God,” but if i describe the reality of God without using the word, those same people are interested. so, i’m running a little personal experiment in my interactions and conversations of people. i’m trying not to use the word “God,” but instead to focus on the meaning or reality the word points to or speaks of. i’ll let you know how it goes.

okay, it’s 25 degrees in nashville. and i’m thinking about going for a run. how stupid is that!? this is when you wish you belonged to the Y, or you wish your metabolism processed Christmas cookies more kindly.

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Jesus said, “Repent, for the kingdom of God is here.” as previously mentioned the word “repent” is “metanoia,” which means a new state of mind or a radical transformation of how the mind operates. then Paul in the NT says we are transformed by the “renewing of our mind.” seems like a lot of people exert a lot of energy into religion and spirituality but not a whole lot really changes…i mean like deep transformative change, and the consistent experience of spiritual qualities such as love, peace, freedom, contentment, and worth.

seems like people focus on changing habits or behaviors, adding new things to do in their lives, becoming involved in this or that, etc…and yet all of this could be rather fruitless if we don’t undergo this “metanoia” or “change of mind.” do you see? the problem is that our mind keeps functioning the same way, and unless our mind changes we can do religion until the cows come home but nothing will freaking change! okay, sorry for the over exuberance. what would it mean for you and i to apply Truth to our minds. assume that your mind is operating on a lot of BS you have picked up here and there. maybe the BS even sounds good because it’s all wrapped up in nice God-talk and Christianeeze.

wouldn’t the first step be believing that right now it is possible to have a new way of processing reality, and to believe you can in fact apply Truth to your mind? Jesus didn’t say you had to go through a “40 Days of Changing Your Mind” campaign (no dig on Rick Warren intended) or attend a “7 Steps of a Highly Changed Mind” conference. it was as if Jesus was simply assuming one could take responsibility for a new mind. what i mean is, the possibility for a new way of functioning was made available and accessible by God, and we could chose it if we wanted to. otherwise Jesus’ message would be like, “Undergo a radical revision of your mind, and walk in the present reality of God’s kingdom…Oops! Sorry everyone! What was I thinking?! You can’t do that. Just forget I ever said it.”

i don’t mean positive thinking; i don’t mean happy thoughts; i don’t mean living in denial and some illusionary world, i’m talking about a change of mind where your whole being processes the entire human experience differently, and discerns the entire reality of God through the mind of Christ.

how can we encourage one another in “metanoia”?

(photo by zoo gal)

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i received an email this morning…i posted a portion of it along with a portion of my response…

***

I want to thank you for writing Divine Nobodies. I am afraid I don’t have all the words I want right now to describe how much your words and experiences have encouraged me.

Over the last 2 years the Lord has been showing me how little my doctrine matters in comparison to the Love of Christ, that is, loving my neighbor with the same love Jesus has for them, as best as I know how. I feel like I have had similar experiences in seeing how the Kingdom of Heaven does not lie upon my proud shoulders. You have given me words to describe much of how I have felt during this journey of seeing God.

Most recently, as I try to make my way through an M.Div. degree, God has been taking this desire, or maybe lust, of trying to make my mark on Christendom out of me. I am strangely finding a deep contentment for doing the work ‘unseen’ work for God. I am not the most eloquent person and I did not intend to send you such a long message. I’m sure you get plenty of those. I just want to thank you and encourage you to keep writing. It has encouraged me through one of my hardest semester in seminary.

Thank you!

***

hey man thanks for contacting me. thanks also for your encouragement about Divine Nobodies. oh yes, i well remember my M.Div seminary days. i’m amazed i survived Greek and Hebrew! where are you doing seminary? when will you finish?

be encouraged seth. i earned an M.Div and managed to miss what you’ve already discovered, which Jesus said is the essential summary of everything you’ll learn at seminary: accepting God’s love for yourself, and allowing that love to overflow and spill out on others. that was Jesus - always confident and secure in Father’s love, and a continuous expression of that love everywhere, all the time, with everyone.

okay seth, so you’re in seminary and you are seeing that it’s not just about having “right doctrine”, and you’re losing the desire to do some huge, earth shattering thing for God. what that tells me is that you are now in a place to perhaps fulfill the deeper purpose for you being there. if it’s not about filling your head with information about God or training you to become the next mega-star, then what is it about? why are you there seth?

so, here are my thoughts on it:

1. There is a deeper purpose to you being there.

2. Don’t strive to figure it all out.

3. Do the next thing with what you’ve discovered thus far about the love of Christ.

4. Be at peace; don’t worry about finding it, put one foot in front of the other, and it will find you.

your nobody friend, jim

(photo by mgoldstein)

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“Love people even in their sin, for that is the semblance of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all of God’s creation, the whole and every grain of sand of it. Love every leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.”

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

(photo by zoo gal)

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so, yesterday jessica (my eight-year-old daughter) and i are standing in line at the post office; i had a bunch of copies of Wide Open Spaces to mail. there were three post office workers at their stations behind the counter, taking whoever was next in line. per usual, we let folks go ahead of us, waiting to be next up for Melvin. jessie and i often go to the post office together, and Melvin likes jessie and really gets a kick out of messing with her.

while waiting in line, we noticed that Melvin had pinned up some sort of Christmas poster on the wall next to him. as we got closer we saw in surprise that it read in big letters, “Merry Christmas to Jessica.” jessie’s eyes sprung open wide, and an ear-to-ear smile filled her face! finally we got to Melvin’s station, and discovered also that there was a little Christmas stocking attached to the poster with something in it. Melvin presented the stocking to Jessica, which had inside a $20 Walmart gift card. jessie was beside herself; not so much for the $20 gift card, but that Melvin had thought so much of her to do all of this.

the funny thing is that we also had a gift for Melvin - a Christmas card with a $20 Kroger gift card inside. i also gave him a copy of Divine Nobodies, signed just for Melvin. when Melvin opened the card he read the words inside, “We love you Melvin. Merry Christmas from Jessica, Jim, and Pam,” then he saw the Kroger card. he was momentarily overcome with emotion. it was almost like it was the best Christmas gift Melvin had ever received.

in the new year, we plan to invite Melvin over for dinner.

something happened in that short exchange involving Melvin, Jessica, and myself. there was a flow of love we each became aware of, and it involved both giving and receiving. Jesus once said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” whatever else those words of Jesus might mean, i wonder if we were experiencing the reality and presence of Christ in and through these small expressions of love.

(photo by elaine faith)

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Should we not start by knowing we are already there? The presence of God is not something to seek because we are already totally in the presence of God, and the presence of God is in us. All we lack then is awareness. Would it help to realize that God is sustaining you in existence with every breath you take? Go ahead and be conscious of your next breath. That breath and the next one and the next one is God choosing you now and now and now and now. Are you seeking God’s presence? Do you want to be assured of God’s presence? Let your next breath help you be present in the Presence that was and is and always will be there. Just breath.

(photo by SimoneyB)

I am always compelled to write but do not often yield to it, after all, it is work. But, tonight i was watching the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performing their Christmas Special and it was fabulous! As I could smell the pine boughs and feel the cold wet snow I imagined I was a boy again in a small Mormon town with my grandparents in their old classic home on a dirt street. That was long ago and I have been homeless at Christmas since.

My parents, both from small Mormon communities, migrated to Wyoming to teach music and start a business. They had the most loftiest of ideals and good clean living enforced by their church Ward as they called it then. They became well known and loved in those communities as they grew their clan to six children and success soon folllowed.

Christmas was mostly wonderful to me as a small boy. I remember the elegantly decorated home and a freezer full of home made rolls and pies that we could never quite keep our hands off. My mom was so mad because we could eat it almost as fast as she made those delights, as well as home made fudge to die for, and I almost did!

Then we always made the treck to Utah to visit my parents families in Santiquin and Payson. The long, seemed like twenty four hours or more, drives were torturous and to keep from killing my little sister and not to mention my other siblings, we had to be creative. My eldest brother Bill always seemed like an uncle since he was fourteen years my senior and in school somewhere. We learned to make lanyards from long pieces of craft plastic stuff and even zig-zag looking paper creations made from stick bubble gum wrappers.

Next came every little town that had a stop sign on that then only two lane highway and then, of course, we passed the cemetery and came to the famous corny joke. The question was, "do you know how many dead people are in this cemetery?" And the obvious answer was, " All of them!" We fell for it everytime until we were past being grown up. We almost had a rating system for each little ho-dunk town on that two lane highway on who had the best Christmas decorations on their mainstreet.

The last straw of boredom was reserved for the dark when we could no longer count licence plates or hit each other. We called it twenty-one. Every one got a turn to play and had to pick any object and gave only one clue on whether the object was organic or inorganic. The rest of us had to guess the item or lose to the one who was so clever to decieve us all. It is amazing how far one can get with twenty questions!

Finally we were there and Grandma Broadbent would always lay out a huge table full of food at a moments notice. It was amazing, if not a little disfunctional as I now know. She would hug us and kiss us with wet sloppy kisses and doted on us. My mom never did that. I supposed because she never had the time. But we, as kids, feasted on the attention we got from both sides of our familes.

Then there were tons of cousins! If my parents had six kids and others had six kids in those Mormon Communities, we had alot of cousins and had a blast! We played in the street irrigation sytems and pulled blood suckers off our legs later. It was pure fun and heaven for me followed by the best kid food madeby my Uncle Richard.

We always had a huge car, usually a station wagon that became a huge Buick as more kids left  for college. I could always sleep on the floor of those huge cars as they purred going home. They always left for the trip home at night or late afternoon knowing we would sleep most of the way home. I always cried when we left to go back to 'ole Wyoming. It was so green in Utah and we could always get the best apples and pears and corn and pine nuts to bring back. A piece of me was lost in Utah and never regained in those early years.

We were growing up and made fewer trips to Utah for Christmas. We still had the elegant decorated home and cool gifts, but something was missing.

I think I found it in several bottles hidden in book cases, laundry room and behind the towells in the  bathroom; it was filled with a clear water like fluid and I poured it out and filled it back up with water thinking I had fooled the offender which turned out to be my mother. This was in the fifth grade.

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“Hey Jim,

Thanks again for writing such a powerful book, Wide Open Spaces. I really enjoyed reading it because your writing is confirming something that has been rumbling in my soul for years; life as child of God is all about love, nothing more, nothing less.

For most of what I would call my Christian life, my entire existence revolved around rules, doctrines and whether or not I was keeping them correctly. That is why I especially could relate to chapters 3 and 4 in the book where you talked about church and the Bible.

I have not gone to regular “church services” now in about a year, not because I don’t love Jesus, in fact I love him more now than I ever did, but because my whole going to church experience was part of a formula that had been ingrained into my life for so long: do all the proper “Christian things” in order to get God to keep his end of the bargain (bless me); those Christian things included church worship (it never really occurred to me that I did not have to be in church to actually worship God), tithing (which I always did for fear of the consequences of not tithing, maybe God would take away my job and source of income), reading my Bible and doing my best to obey everything in it verbatim (an exercise in futility) etc. Eventually, I started to grow resentful of “God”, but I realized that it was not really God I was angry and bitter at, it was my perception of Him.

Church had started to take on all the aspects of “worldly” corporations, where as you highlight in your book, success is measured in numbers only. I remember trying to help a friend of mine grow his Sunday school classes at a mega-church locally. We got so obsessed in achieving our goal of growing that class and reaching our target number that the whole point of fellowship and loving one another was practically lost in the process, all that mattered was the numbers. Today, he is no longer in full time ministry, he got burnt out, just like I did and is seeking God through unconventional relationships with others. I was so exhausted after that period, that even reading my Bible was a chore, because it was simply about finding the appropriate rule to get a desired result (God’s blessing).

Now, as I realize daily how much I am loved by God, I am free to love others. Like the classic song says, what the world needs now is love, those words still ring true today as they did years ago when the song was written. Ultimately, religion is about control and it uses fear as its tool, God is all about love.

Your Nobody Friend”

(photo by Catherine Ledwidge)

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so, i was doing a long run on the nearby greenway. it was early AM, extremely cold, and deserted. somewhere along mile 3, i felt a deep and familiar ache inside. not again! can’t i go one freaking Christmas without this happening?! i couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t outrun it, couldn’t Bible-verse it; the agonizing ache went with me up and down every hill.  after all these years, am i still grieving the absence of relationship with my mother and father?! can’t i ever let this go?! in my head i can logically analyze it, i have my God-answers to make myself feel better about it…but then there’s still that ache.

what about the unbearable sadness inside? Christmas seems to agitate it. some of my worst memories of my childhood involved Christmas. i still vividly remember one Christmas Eve as a young boy when things seemed to be going surprisingly well. it’s always touch and go in an alcoholic home; things can turn on a dime. they did. what started as a great night ended in a total meltdown of rage. i remember locking myself in my room, where i died a thousand deaths upon my bed, and vowed never to trust anyone or anything again.

years later i turned to religion to fix the ache, but all i seemed to experience is what i imagine an already weary person would feel upon seeing the above sign in the pic i have posted above: YOU’LL GET THERE…WELL, EVENTUALLY…NOT THERE YET?…TRY HARDER! YOU WANT TO BE FREE, JIM? TRY HARDER! YOU’RE NOT DOING ENOUGH, PRAYING ENOUGH, MEMORIZING ENOUGH, ATTENDING ENOUGH, LISTENING ENOUGH, GIVING ENOUGH, HAVING FAITH ENOUGH…TRY HARDER!…OH YEAH, AND GOOD LOOK.

okay, so i’m running along with the ache, and i experienced a sort of “metanoia”. in other words, i had a “radical change of mind” about my ache. remember Jesus said, “Repent (metanoia), for the kingdom of God is here.” in the Kingdom of God there is no lack, only Peace, Love, Freedom, and Contentment in abundance. and yet, my ache was about lack - the unbearable lack of love and relationship. what gives?

here was my “metanoia.” i once expended a lot of energy trying to get rid of the ache, or ease the pain of it. in other words, i viewed the ache in opposition to or contrary to what God wants to give, namely his abundant kingdom. but how about this - maybe my ache is actually a secret trapdoor into the reality of God’s kingdom of abundant love and peace. rather than fight my ache, why not embrace it as yet another invitation into the present reality of God’s kingdom. when i let the ache prompt my awareness of God’s abundant kingdom, i feel Love waiting for me there. it doesn’t take away the ache, but i’ve learned to let it open the door to another reality.

Jesus experienced full-on the human journey that we are now living. among other things, the gift of Jesus is knowing that our humanity doesn’t have to negate the spiritual abundance of God’s kingdom. i see now i have a choice about it. i spent a lot of years either fighting the ache or going with it to that place of perpetual inner turmoil and agony. this Christmas i’m thankful to be reminded of the choice i have. honestly, it’s still a rather unfamiliar choice, but i’m thinking that the abundance of God’s kingdom will increasingly motivate me to make it.

(photo by pirate johnny)

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Practically speaking, I am a disciple of Jesus because I apprentice myself to the living Christ in the way of love. The scriptures say, “God is love,” and I see Jesus as one who came as a demonstration of this truth. Sometimes, like the John passage below, I will substitute the word “Love” for “Christ” or “God.” I guess the picture I chose for today’s blog, a homeless kid living on the street, may seem a little disturbing for the typical feel-good holiday spirit. I thought of the picture in spiritual terms. Perhaps there is a part of each of us, which is that cold and shivering kid living on the street – maybe a hurting or broken part of us that is walled off in the darkness, afraid of love. But alas, the light of Love shines in the darkness and we open ourselves to it, and we become a child of God in a new way that brings freedom. Jesus once said he had no place to lay his head. Starting with his birth and ending in his death, Jesus faced some of the harshest human conditions and circumstances any person could face. Jesus spoke of another reality that sustained him, once even referring to a, “bread you know nothing about.” Compassion moves us to address the human conditions, which we perceive as the cause of human suffering. And yet, the kingdom of God Jesus spoke of is not contingent upon any particular set of circumstances. Compassion moves us to find a home for the boy in the picture, and yet it would be wrong to assume that the boy is not experiencing the peace and love of God within him while living on the street. Both the compassion to alleviate human suffering, and the accessibility of God’s abundant kingdom in the midst of human suffering seem to come together in Jesus.

In the beginning was Love, and Love was with God, and Love was God. Love was with God in the beginning.

Through Love all things were made; without Love nothing was made that has been made. In Love was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it…

Love was in the world, and though the world was made through Love, the world did not recognize Love. Love came to that which was Love’s own, but Love’s own did not receive Love. Yet to all who received Love, to those who believed in Love, become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God in Love.

Love became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen Love’s glory, the glory of the One and Only Love, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1

(photo by carf)

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“It’s been a tough six months.” 

That’s what I told everyone.  Ever since the summer missions trip I had taken to the United Kingdom, something about Christianity, God, religion…all of it seemed strangely empty to me.   

It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried to be a good Christian.  God had been part of an unconscious reality in the back of my head since I was old enough to think.  I never had to discover God; He was simply handed to me through the medium of the church. 

I had been involved in “church ministry” since I was about five…when I was in charge of the arduous task of putting the transparencies on the overhead projector between songs during worship.  Then at eleven, I graduated to the position of pianist at the small church my father pastored.  Toward the end of high school, I was a leader in the youth group and felt a sort of nudge toward ministry, so I enrolled in a local Christian college as a ministry major.  Simple enough.  I figured I could probably have a really good relationship with God by doing something fabulous for Him. 

So I tried to be so perfect.  I kept all the rules, struggled through empty “quiet times,” and did everything I knew to do to be good enough for God to like me.  But my efforts weren’t sufficient.  I never had that vibrant, exciting relationship with God.  I still couldn’t seem to find Him. 

The straw that broke the camel’s back was that fateful missions trip.  Shortly after our return to the U.S., I really started feeling like my entire life was a lie and settled into a gloomy pit of depression.  Suddenly the people who used to tell me I was “such a blessing” began to ask me what was wrong and why I wasn’t smiling.  I’d shrug them off, suggesting that I was busy.  I struggled with the very idea of attending ministry and Bible classes that no longer seemed germane.  I didn’t know what I needed, but I was desperate for something. 

I stopped reading my Bible, started sleeping until noon, and hated the thought of going to church, where I was responsible for organizing the worship service and teaching the teens.  I obediently completed my tasks, but nothing could get through to me.  I remember one day admitting to a professor friend of mine that I was doing very poorly in my classes because I didn’t care anymore.  Broken and crying, I told him that my biggest problem was that I didn’t know if I even believed in God.

This, of course, was shocking to him.  I was a worship leader, youth pastor, mentor, leader in the Christian Ministries department, and graduating senior.  How could such a thing happen?  I was supposed to be this great example held up to the rest of the students, and yet I was unable to get past the most crucial element of faith.   

In the midst of my apathy and virtual atheism, I finally broke.  I was praying one day (an odd phenomenon for me in those days) and I found myself racked with sobs.  I encountered God in a very real way.  I can’t explain precisely what took place, but I became truly aware of the reality of a Deity greater than me, or my striving, or my apathy, or my pain.

Today I live in a place where there’s not a whole lot I can really believe in.  My religion didn’t lead me to God.  Being a good person didn’t lead me to Him.  Serving in the church didn’t lead me to Him.  Being “in the ministry” didn’t lead me to Him.   

So now I believe in God.  The rest is still a little fuzzy and I have a lot more questions than answers.  But I’m okay with that.  I just know He’s there.  And I think He’s okay with that, too.

(photo by Pattay)

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“Following high school I attended a small junior college, met my wife-to-be, got married, and went to Bible College for full-time ministry training.  After two years of working third-shift at a meat packing plant (pork - no less) I finally got my first gig in ministry at a church of about 300 people (a church that was following all the mega-church models… and I mean all of them).

That is where I spent the next twelve years of my life.  I went from maintenance person/youth pastor, to youth pastor/associate pastor to executive pastor/young adult pastor.  The church grew to about 1500 people… and I was running around in circles trying to help make things happen.  There was huge emphasis placed on how we “did church”.

So, from twenty-three years of age until my mid-thirties, all I knew was this life of full-time ministry at that church.

I was so unsettled the last couple years there.  I began to be convinced that there had to be something more meaningful to being a follower of Jesus.  I began to be convinced that church was not something you “did”, but the essence of what it meant to be a follower of Jesus in community with others.

Eventually, God nudged (or shoved) me out of that place (and by “place” I don’t just mean the actual church itself, but the place I was in… my mindset and understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Jesus and my dependence on the system).

I interpreted the nudge to mean that we were supposed to plant a church – which we did in Raleigh, NC.  My intention was to lead a church that would look more like the book of Acts than what I had been a part of.  While that is still a passion of mine, things have gone very differently than I thought they would have (as if they were supposed to go the way I planned).

Life is happening at a much slower pace.  There are many times when I feel compelled to be busier, to be doing more.  But, God seems to be constantly reminding me just to “be”.

When I think of what I am experiencing in the wide open spaces… I think of the space that God now has available in my life.  There is so much less clutter and business that He has to compete with.  He now has the space to deal with aspects of my life that I stuffed deep down inside and didn’t have time or energy to focus on.

And that has been painful and beautiful at the same time.”