When a popular "purpose driven" movement swept through my faith community helping people to identify God’s special plan for their lives, I instantly became obsessed. I bought into the expectation that God would deliver a concise plan for my life overnight. I waited and watched, bewildered, as others seemed to effortlessly fall into their divine callings as mine stalled. Clamoring for clarity, I willingly submitted myself to‘constructive’ criticism, character evaluations, accountability partners and endless workshops preparing for ministry and purpose, to no avail. This was a precarious season of great expectation. I became increasingly convinced there was an invisible ‘ladder of purpose’ which existed to usher privileged spiritual superstars to significance and meaning. I wanted to climb that ladder and believed once on it, I would also arrive at my coveted destination of divine purpose where everything in my life would finally make sense.  (joy schroeder, communitas collective)

 Wow, I totally get that. I have waited years. Years. For my life to make sense, for my faith to discover her identity and what amazing purpose my life is meant to fulfill. God only hands out cool assignments, ya know.

I met a woman one time who spent a great deal of conversation telling us all about her ministry. Ugh, there's that M word. Min-a-stree.

In the sub-culture of evangelicalism there is a kind of holy grail in discovering what one's ministry is. This is akin to finding one's destiny or cracking your personal code on what your life's purpose is meant to be. And for sure, there are some, the lucky ones, who have a clear path laid out before them of what they can do or become to help make the world a better place.

Then there is the rest of us.

I would love to find my purpose in my life. If anybody finds it let me know. I've searched all over for it. Books, sermons...oh my god, sermon upon life-changing sermon upon sermon...conferences, prayer lines, late-night conversations, pleas upon pleas on the altar of Divine Guidance...

It took me a while and quite a few bruises to finally discover that the best life I am meant to live and the ever-elusive purpose I am meant to possess is actually right in front of me right now. I already have it.

There is a disabled man who lives in my neighborhood. He lives in an adult foster care home in my neighborhood. He cannot support himself due to being horribly crippled by a car accident. He has no family and the few friends he had are unable to take him in. He lives a kind of transient life, people come, people go. But there he remains. Quietly steadfast in his wheelchair, rolling down the sidewalks to where ever the pavement can take him. I once pulled over to help him when his chair got stuck on the curb.  I'm trying to imagine talking to him about his purpose in life. That doesn't seem like the thing to bring up.

What is a purposeful life?  How can we know if we are living out a scripted role that only we can fill?  Or maybe we are asking the wrong questions. That's what I think. I think we are asking questions that are ego-driven, not purpose driven.

Maybe fear is the undercurrent of the search for purpose. Fear of failing at life. Fear of being an irrelevant, anemic Christ follower.

Fear of failing as a human being.

AS IF!

It's a big, fat effed up lie that leads us down a dead-end road in the search for ghosts like purpose, higher calling, destiny, fortune...life is immensely purposeful simply because we exist. I do not fail at being a human being, no matter how broken or frail or corrupt I may find myself.

For sure there is a lot I am not addressing here, like those who possess talents and giftings and advantages in life and do not use them at all to serve their brothers and sisters. This is not what I am talking about. I am referring to the pressure to become more and shine brighter. To soar higher and live more fully. To own your best life now and be driven by purpose.

I don't know about you, but it's not working out for me!

So really, if you find my purpose laying around some where, give me a holler. I think I'll post it on Craigs List and sell it and give the money away. I haven't been using it anyway.